Bad day .

Haiiss .
My life is just horrible .
Just as i thought if was gonna be a free life for me .
Till he started to do stuff that he aint suppose to . What an asshole .
I confessed to Mdm.T . Wwhoaa , she straight away drag me to see the P.
Talked to him , Mr.M , the counselor , Mr.T , Mdm.S
So many the people ..
Anyway , they called her . She came down .
She actually thought i was rebel in school *like in the past*
Well no ok .
They talked to her and made me say it who to her .
I spoke in malay and she saw shocked *thats what i thought , i didnt really saw her expression*
*tears rolling down my cheek as i had a really hard time saying it out :(*
I was afraid to speak up because " you imagine , since small she canes me and not just one hit but a lot tills you can actually see the 'blueblacks' . How can you not feel the fear in telling her all that ?.."
It was a relief to actually let it out to her but at the same time i have this feeling of hurt in me cause i've hurt my mum badly .
When it's over , she keeps talking (nagging?) and i just listened like a little girl being scolded.
She told me how bad her life have been , she thought after getting married with him next yr , she was hoping him to support her and us so she can rest cause since she was 13 she have started finding money to survive for her and her family. Saying that she thought her life would finally change when he's around so that she would have a companionship or she wont feel lonely.

Past , before she was married to my dad. She did experience what i have with her brother-in-law but much worst. To forget the incident , she marries my dad but it didnt lasted , and now she was about to start a new life , he did something like this which made my mum feels badly hurt.
Today , he came to see us and talked to me .
He apologies *looks of guiltiness*
He talks , i listen *looked away without tears to be strong by not showing him im weak*
Mum cries .
I gave a look as if i dont care .
He say things to make us pity him .
I forgive him .
My mum .. i dont knoww .
I went home .
He talked to her .
Thought roaming in my head .
All i wanted to say to her was "I'm giving the green light . If you love him and you wanna marry him then go ahead , i dont mind. If it makes you happy then go. If im a burden to you i can leave but i will visit. Just promise me that he will keep his distance away from me and im fine with that:)"


Life is just unfair for my mum or to anyone out there , eventhough you think or see that the 'rich' people are rich and seems to be happy with it , they aren't cause there will be some other negative things in their life just like mine.